Reaching for the heart of my beloved
 2001

  

Collage/drawing created in Photoshop, based on pictures taken from interior design magazines and books, printed out on glossy photo paper and mounted on aluminium sheets with 1,2 cm mounting rail on the back.

 

Dimensions: each picture is 100 x 90 cm

You were breathing hard. I could feel it in the flutter of the pulse at your throat and in the shuddering of your body.  You rolled away, and I waited for your heartbeat to slow down again. A single deep breath, and then your back was suddenly straight, all signs of weakness gone. I studied you but could read nothing in your face and eyes. You looked, if anything, slightly bored, almost disconnected.

Your face was pale, your lashes a dark charcoal smudge against your cheek. I reached for you, feeling how your identity dissolved, your body nothing but a puppet in my hands. The hairs on your arm stood on end as goose bumps rose on your skin. I lay my hand on your shoulder, which was cold and unreceiveing; not even a slight resistance to my invasion of your private space.

With my left hand I traced the curve of the ear that was turned towards me, then moved my hand back to your neck. I could taste you in the air I breathed. Your taste enveloped me. I pinned your shoulder to the ground and felt the pulse in your neck beating beneath my fingertips. I started pushing, careful at first then harder. You averted your eyes and did not look at me.

Looking at the sky I could see the heavy cloud cover breaking up; a clean white moon appeared between the dark shadows, then vanished again. Your body, submitting to my touch, lay still and unmoving, neither flinching nor offering. I ran my hand along your back, along the nape of your neck, and cradled your head. There were no more barriers between us.

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